Why Is The First Date Going Extinct?

It’s a practice so entrenched, it seems written in the wind, but the truth is that it’s the very worst way to get to know somebody, and the very best way to accidentally rub your groin along the backs of eight strangers’ heads as you squeeze past them to get to the bathroom. Call me a romantic, but I don’t enjoy that.

Nobody knows quite why we go to the movies on a first date.

We just do it because we are taught we must by American cinema. The entire Hollywood system seems to aggressively encourage movie-going as a first date, almost as if to ensure its own survival. We see the excitement and romance play out on screen our entire life — the drive-in dates of classic movies such as Grease; the fumbling, shadowy lust in the teen films from the ’90s we weren’t quite old enough to watch yet — and we assume this is what a first date should be: the perfect chance to get to know someone, in the literal sense if not the biblical one.

Movie dates are not like this at all.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are selling you LIES.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are selling you LIES.Source:Supplied

Movie dates are sitting in a dark room for two hours. Movie dates are about not being able to talk to your movie date at all, which is quite an early stumbling block, considering talking is still the single best way to get to know somebody. Movie dates are sitting not across from but next to your date and also next to some stranger, and directly in front of a stranger, and behind a stranger, and being surrounded by strangers, in the dark, all frontwards facing and sharing your first date experience with you.

Sure, you’re probably going out to dinner afterwards (maybe?) but you’ve got to hit the snack bar, right? It’s a first date! The traditional movie snack is, of course, popcorn, which is the very worst food to consume on a first date. (If your date orders a choc-top, this is a sting operation and she/he is a Fed.) The only way to eat popcorn is to shovel it gracelessly into your mouth, unless you’re the type to cradle the popcorn in one hand and place single kernels in your mouth one at a time (in which case this date is clearly a sting operation, and you are a Fed).

Do you know what saps energy from human beings? Darkness. Prolonged periods of darkness. This is not a metaphor. Going to the movies makes you sleepy, which is not an ideal state to be in on a first date. And when the date ends, you are thrown back into normal light, which cuts through your retinas now. You know how small and beady somebody’s eyes look after they remove their glasses? That’s what your eyes look like the very first time your date sees your face, post-movie. Also, you’re picking popcorn shards out of your teeth, and so is your date, only they are attempting to dislodge the pieces with their tongue, and talk to you at the same time. It’s not going well.

Don’t be fooled by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in La La Land.

Don’t be fooled by Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in La La Land.Source:Supplied

Anyway, this isn’t about you. One of my first date movie experiences had the romance chomped out of it when the man sitting directly behind us opened a bag of devon. Slices of deli devon, wrapped in butcher’s paper, and shoved in a bag designed only to rustle. Now, the dead stench of devon in close, airless quarters is terrible in its own right, but when teamed with the visceral shudder that comes from hearing that devon being chewed loudly, sloppily, and within centimetres from your ear, it’s a real mood killer.

Source : https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/dating/nathan-jolly-writes-going-to-the-movies-is-the-worst-first-date-idea-ever/news-story/0c6cdfd267453fe9c31a118749b5a479

743